The Encouragement of Sisters

One of the best things about creating a pilot project is the amazing research work involved.  Meeting farmers, teachers, gardeners, entrepreneurs and others has prodded my thinking and directed my decisions.  As wonderful as researching is there are times when my shy gene rears its head and I nervously think, “Why did I set up this meeting?”

It was this sentiment that flooded my thoughts as I drove across the Mormon bridge into Iowa last week, heading to the Iowana farm.  My boss, Nancy, had told me about Terry and Cynthia, the farmers who embrace educating others about organic farming.  When I’d reached out to Terry initially, she was warm and welcoming, inviting me to “come in through the kitchen door”.  Even so, as I drove into their lovely farmyard, I was bashful.   

That lasted for about 2 minutes.  Once I entered the warm kitchen and was invited to sit down at the table, the stories naturally began.  I first heard from Cynthia, whose PhD from Northwestern in interpersonal communications has her currently working with other educators to put their lessons online.  Cynthia’s passion and broad background in training teachers and education at all levels was evident as she delivered vignettes of what she’s learned by learning with others.  Terry, meanwhile, had been chopping and sautéing veggies for lunch, as well as brewing a lavender/basil tea that we enjoyed while lunch was cooking.  When Terry finished preparing lunch, she started by explaining how she and Cynthia visited this farm, their grandparents’, every summer from California.  She shared an early memory of riding on the harness of her grandfather’s horse team above the cultivator as it dug up soil on either side of the corn rows.  As she explained this memory, I could smell that warm soil being overturned and releasing the pungent aroma that defines Spring planting to me.  It became the driver to Terry’s life as she completed working 27 years in the Stanford Physics department and moved to Iowa to start the Iowana Farm.

Terry shared the development of their certified organic farm, in the valley of the Loess Hills. These hills, without much clay, have eroded to provide 80 inches of top soil in the valley where this farmland is situated. This organic farm teaches school children, volunteers, interns and CSA subscribers by providing farming opportunities throughout the year to work together planting, weeding, harvesting and processing food.

When Terry and Cynthia turned their attention to why I had asked to visit the farm, I shared my childhood dream and both of them smiled from the inside out. Explaining how I see this farm coming to life to provide magic for the marginalized made it more real for me too. As I told them about Fontenelle Forest, being granted 2-3 acres next to the forest and my desire not to dig it up to create beds but to use it in it’s natural state, Cynthia lit up like a firecraker! She said, “This is exactly where agriculture is moving - towards being biological, not chemical”. The girls were at the Practical Farmers of Iowa Conference where they heard about Michael Phillips’ book, “Mycorrhizal Planet” which encourages a nondisturbance priniciple to build soil structure and fertility to last for ages. She also told me, “Trust your instinct” which resounded deeply in me.

As I prepared to leave, we quickly decided that more meetings were needed for us to define how to imagine an agricultural systems that functions like an ecosytem. So, while I drove up a bit bashful, I left the farm excited.

Perhaps my favorite quote of the day was from Cynthia, when she said this about sisters: “The thing that may annoy you most about your sister usually turns out to be one of your best qualities”.

Chris' Why

Chris Kelly passed away this morning at 2 am. Chris was born with Cerebral Palsy from his mother’s prenatal drug use. He was adopted by Carol and Dennis. After Glen met Dennis at their church in South Florida, Dennis asked Glen if he would meet his son, Chris. Glen did and the two became friends. Chris’ dependence on a walker wasn’t a problem for either one of them. Glen would simply pick up Chris and throw him over his shoulder as they went wherever they wanted: movie theaters, South Beach, restaurants. Chris was 15 when they met and in an honors program at the Boca Raton High School. Glen, a tad older, and working for First Data in Coral Springs, Florida.

Chris was brilliant. He could relate to anybody he met, could code in all sorts of languages and could fix any issue presented from operating systems malfunctioning to how to hang Glen’s ties in temporary housing to how to have tough conversations with colleagues to finding our way around a city. Chris was our first and most trusted Siri.

I first met Chris when we were in Florida for a wedding and Chris was the best man. He had everything organized, timelined and set up for the couple, complete with a script for Glen to read during their first dance at the reception. Chris was flawless in execution. It was our initial trip to Florida as a couple, and since then, we’ve made 13+ trips to Florida. Most often, we would stay with Chris and his parents. Glen and Chris would spend at least one day to themselves to watch movies, eat Cuban food and discuss all sorts of topics. There would be plenty of giggles and curses drifting out from Chris’ bedroom.

In 2004, Chris’ condition worsened and he was no longer able to use a walker but was confined to a wheelchair. In a matter of months, he was sequestered to his bedroom where he spent the next 10 years of his life. We celebrated the Academy Awards together last year, splitting Veuve Clicquot via FaceTime.

Chris was never ever complained but rather would call to encourage us. When I talked with him last week, he asked if we’d secured our champagne for the Academy Awards as he’d ordered his. Before we hung up, he prayed for Glen and asked what was going on with the farm and when would Gabe be able to start working on it.

Chris’ why was evident: Only the present matters.

Chris and his parents, Dennis and Carol, Christmas 2018.

Start with Why

Several people who speak into my life mentioned this directive to me in the past several months. Molly Rockamann, the EarthDance Founder and Executive Director and Nancy Williams, the No More Empty Pots Founder and CEO both told me this was what I needed to understand first. Why was this inclusive urban farm for specially-abled persons needed. As I read the book, pondered the idea and talked with others, I found out that is wasn’t WHY the farm but WHY ME?

Sinek explains that most organizations/businesses can explain what they do, some can tell you how they do it but few can tell you why they do it. I realized this was the same for my idea. I know what the farm needs to be: a safe and nurturing space for people to grow and enjoy food. How will this happen? Build the space and invite people to come experience nature and good feelings of food. But WHY? Hmmmm…

Everyone wants to contribute feels like the closest WHY I can conjure at this point but is contributing outside on a farm, with whatever weather elements are present (writing this during an ice storm) everyone’s idea of contributing?

I think about my sister and her business, a dermatology practice in southern California. I know WHY she does it, she knows how to spot problems and find solutions that make people feel better about themselves. Sit in her chair under her care and you’ll feel her WHY. Actually, proximity isn’t even that important. Grandchildren of friends have been blessed by getting insight on skin problems from her on texts. Dixie’s WHY leads her.

I meet with my strategist this weekend, I trust her process. I’ll be toting my large white papers of my thoughts and ideas that I’ve jotted down as I read Sinek’s book. Speaking of, better continue reading it!

Mission and Values and Vision, Oh My!

Sitting with a strategist to define my mission, vision and values for the inclusive urban farm project has to be one of the most visceral tasks I’ve done for a long time. Speaking about what I believe and why to friends and family is received with various levels of agreement. Not so with Amy. She writes down my thoughts on a whiteboard and looks at me for more. As I watch the words compile, I get perplexed. Is this what it will look like? Will this work? Isn’t there someone who has all these answers?

Glen helped me define the mission before Christmas: Exploring the out doors to discover the dignity and value in each of us and the earth. I have so many ideas on what to do but need to figure out how to winnow them into one strong vision with defined values.

This past weekend, Amy and I met again. I was terrified walking into the conference room but it was a profitable working time. She helped me list out what is and isn’t important to me in creating an inclusive urban farm. She explained herself as the vessel that allows me to get my ideas out. She filled up a boatload of posters like this one.

She encouraged me to allow these ideas to percolate until we get together again in 2 weeks. I found the time to be energizing and walked out of the room excited!

Caring for the soil and its peoples!

The more I read about George Washington Carver, the more I care about our soil. To learn about his agricultural stations where he singlehandedly set up, tested, analyzed and wrote reports on different methods of soil care at Tuskegee University in Alabama with limited funding makes me marvel. He cared about teaching people how to grow their own food in a way that benefitted the soil and their health.

One bulletin I read was how to build up worn out soils. He explained the history of why resting the soil made sense to the ancient Egyptians and then how progressive farmers learned that that the “crop-yielding power is increased by rotating or changing his crop every year, or every few years upon land not occupied by such crop the year previous.” This was printed in 1905.

What would he think of the chemicals we inject into our seeds, spread over and in and our soil and drop from the skies a century later? Is this progress?

Just several decades (1932) after Dr Carver published this bulletin, the first anhydrous fertilizer was injected into the soil to boost the nitrogen content.

The recent return to the family type farming where I was raised gives me hope. The soil and it’s peoples can return to the ways of caring for the soil that Dr Carver so carefully tested and shared. Knowing why crop rotation makes sense is the first of many lessons.

Desserts untouched

I enjoyed attending a luncheon at Lauritzen Gardens mid December. The space was beautifully decorated with all sorts of festive ribbons, poinsettias and even the people were decorated in holiday clothes. It was a sweet time of fun fellowship.

As we were walking out, I noticed an entire table that still had 12 untouched desserts on it. Then, I thought about our table. I bet 6 of us never touched our desserts…or bread….or wine. What was going to happen to all of this food?

I ran into someone I’d just met at a meeting the day before, Polina. I told her about the desserts and she mentioned the name of the caterer. I called the caterer when I returned home and they assured me that any food that was salvageable was sent to a mission or homeless shelter. When I questioned how much of the food was shared, she explained the details on food that can be shared with others.

I knew that all of those desserts landed in a trash can.

Then I called Saving Grace, a Food Rescue organization in Omaha and spoke with Judy. I’ve chatted with her before about rescuing food as one of her trucks delivers to No More Empty Pots once a week. We discussed barriers to food rescue and how it can be done more effectively. I told Judy about our desire to incorporate specially-abled adults into a nutrition/food prep roles at our Food Hub. There is a group in Pittsburg, 412 Food Rescue who created a group of restaurants/food productions sites, with organizations who can use the food and inserted others willing to pick up and deliver the food. Why couldn’t our specially-abled adults help out with that? Why couldn’t Gabe and his friends walk around that banquet room and take untouched food and plop it in a foil pan to transport it to someone who is hungry? And why couldn’t we just be a branch of the Pittsburg group and call ourselves, 402 Food Rescue?

Why not?

What about 402 Food Rescue?

One year ago today...

I started a new job at No More Empty Pots. It was first real job in 4 years and like any change, I was skeptical. My concern was how I could continue to do the things I loved when I had to go to work. Since one of my new dear neighbors, Jess Pate, had introduced to Nancy Williams, the No More Empty Pots CEO and co-founder, I had been intrigued by the concept of a Food Hub in a food desert. So off to Florence I went last January 8, to open a new chapter in my career.

My title was Project Lead and I was tasked with developing a curriculum to teach young adults about IoT and Local Food Systems. I had never heard about IoT, so I first had to learn about the Internet of Things. The concept of the diverse connections you can create with technology was interesting but I what I really learned about at No More Empty Pots was how to “Live my best life on my own terms”.

Early on in my conversations with Nancy, I felt a difference. It wasn’t just that this was a non-profit setting, it was Nancy. She had a way of bringing out the best in anyone with little ease. She had complete confidence in my ability to develop this curriculum, even though I was dubious. After my first time delivering the content to high school juniors I felt I hadn’t done well because they hadn’t listened or engaged with anything. Nancy told me, “They were listening and watching everything you did. It’s just not cool to listen when you’re a teenager.” Then as the deliveries continued through the summer, I dealt with tougher situations and more distant teens, she told me, “As long as you show up everyday, you are teaching them something about life”.

Throughout my first year in this role, Nancy always had time to listen to me and remembered what I’d said. She told me that she had complete confidence in my abilities, and while that may seem trite…she believed it and after a while I started to too! One of the most powerful statements she made was her telling me, “This is not the last job you were at.” I hadn’t shared any background on my last position, yet she intuited from my behavior that it had ended acrimoniously.

One of my favorite memories of Nancy was from a meeting when we were developing the concept for our inclusive urban farm. The executive director who has the land had stated that we have 2-3 acres to use however we want to teach people how to grow and enjoy food. The nutritionist shared that she and her team were prepared to devise the programming. Nancy looked at me and smiled and said, “Whatever you ask me for, I’ll say yes.”

I praise the Lord for bringing Nancy Williams into this world and into my life. As I continue to grapple with her line to “Live your best life on your own terms,” I have the best role model to learn how this is done. I simply watch Nancy live hers.

The Empty Lot Downtown

Janis and Nancy are friends. They talked about the empty lot across from Janis’ business, Natural Therapy. Janis wanted to create beauty, Nancy was willing to help. 8 months later, there are 10 of us sitting around a conference table talking about the lot. What could it be? What should it be? People around the table are interested in creating beauty but also telling a story. We settled on the name: Sharing Roots. We will use this space to tell the story of Nebraska’s rich agricultural past, opening up ideas for the future.

Here’s a possible plan for this space.

Potential Partners for our Inclusive Urban Farm Pilot

December 4, 2018 was a banner day for our “yet to be named” inclusive urban farm pilot. A few weeks back, I met with Nic Batterton at Mosaic. We were talking about my nephew Gabe and the possibilities that Mosaic may present for him. After this, we chatted my current role at No More Empty Pots piloting an inclusive urban farm for specially-abled adults. Nic lit up, seriously, like a Christmas tree. He explained, as Daryn Richardson had a couple months back, about specially-abled adults needing opportunities to integrate into the community. Nic explained that many of the Mosaic people would love to do something somewhere that had meaning. As I explained more about our Collaborative Community centered food hub, Nic started to see the possibilities and knew we needed to meet at No More Empty Pots.

Last week, Nic and Aaron, met Nancy and myself at No More Empty Pots. As we toured our food hub and the ongoing construction on the ground and roof levels, we brainstormed how our two organizations could partner together. Nic and Aaron told personal stories of the folks that would love to be involved in food rescue efforts to learn about nutrition and create meals. Another passion of mine is recycling, Aaron shared that their recycling team has taken bottles out of people’s hands for fear it would end up in the wrong bin.

When I told Nic and Aaron that I haven’t developed curriculum for specially-abled people, they were quick to console me and explain that the lessons we teach aren’t as important as the care and kindness we can show the Mosaic people. Sure, we’ll learn how to cook carrots but we will also become friends who work together. This is where the magic lies. People who grow, prepare and eat food together.

Enter Gabe.

Gabe has always loved farming. Years ago, my sister started the practice of making sure Gabe got back to the farm every planting and harvest season. This was a feat, given that they live in Santa Monica.

It’s one of Gabe’s favorite things to do in life, riding with Dad in whatever implement he’s driving.

Creating a space where Gabriel could contribute in a meaningful way is one of my goals for our Inclusive Urban Farm. Knowing that Gabe is the impetus behind the collaboration of No More Empty Pots, Mosiac and VODEC makes this pursuit all the more important.

Finding surprises all around in Omaha!

One of the new interns in our office, Kate Swinarski, and I met a couple weeks ago to introduce ourselves.  Kate is a senior in Social Work at Creighton and has had a rich experience working with special needs people.  When she and I began discussing her work with inclusive settings, she lit up like a Christmas tree. All excited about telling me about the program she had created.  In one of her previous jobs, Kate noticed that working outside in the community is more positive and engaging experience for anyone, but special needs learners were her priority.  She found jobs for people to work alongside other employees. She felt this had more value than some of the sheltered workshop activities she’d experienced. Kate worked her way into the Joslyn Art Museum and persuaded them to hire on one of her people to help sweep after hours at the museum.  While no one else joined her on this quest, sadly the program never got off the ground.

But it does help me get off the ground.  

Daryn Richardson, Services Development Director at VODEC, described programs woven into community spaces so that specially-abled people aren’t shuttled off somewhere to do their programs in a large warehouse or office.  They can contribute in real and meaningful ways out in the community, on the job site….at the FARM! There is a federal law that mandates this and I’m going to learn more about it.

Kate shared about a not-for-profit group called Angel Guardians.  Their mission is to improve the quality of life for individuals with intellectual/developmental  disabilities in the areas of employment, fitness, socialization and recreation.  They were formed by parents of special needs adults who wanted to have qualified support and rich experiences for their families.  I think Angel Guardians will definitely be on my list to visit when I’m doing my deep dive into local agencies that will have people who may be interested in our program at Camp Brewster!

The other group she shared to explore is ENCOR-DD.  This looks like another great resource for me to dig into.  Thanks, Kate! For the great leads. More to follow!

Getting affirmation from Daryn Richardson, VODEC.

My new mentor, Carolyn Anderson, introduced me to Daryn Richardson last week. Daryn has a quick smile and kind demeanor. As the Services Development Director at VODEC and the stepfather to a specially-able adult, Daryn was a shot in the arm for my pilot project. I explained to him what I wanted to do and he smiled and said, “There is a great need for this in the community”. He explained the proposal he is working on with Assistology to create a cooking strategy for specially-able adults. This proposal will create recipes/directions for helpers to teach others how to cook using slow cookers. He encouraged me to explore two seperate tracks: Nutritional and Vocational skills. If I can teach transferable skills, he will have people who will want to be a part of the farm. It was interesting to hear him list off the types of transferable skills that can be taught on the farm. Interpersonal communication and attention to task were two that piqued my interest.
Carolyn suggested we teach nutrition first and then visit the farm. Daryn smiled and quickly said, No. They want to be active! Let them pick butternut squash and then talk about what to do with them. This is excited me as I love creating engaging activities.

At the end of our time together, it became clear to me that I need to start observing specially abled people in current programs to get more of an idea how this farm should be created to serve them well.

Aquaponics educates all kinds of kids

This week, Nancy introduced me to Greg Fripp, who founded Whispering Roots.  Listening to Greg tell his story encouraged me to look back on my summer school teaching experience in a new light.  Greg shared how he takes the same types of aquaponics system to each classroom or setting and yet, each time there is a different application.  It depends on the needs of the learners and the teacher. It made me reflect on each of my entrances to the classroom, did I have that kind of mindset or did I have an agenda to run through?

Beyond that, Greg talked about meeting with partners and asking them what they do the best.  Most of the time, they mention more than 8 things they “do”. When he focuses on what they do best, they smile and give him 1-2 things they do.  Then he directs his attention to these things and works towards using these assets in his organization. I thought it was a great way to assess potential partners to see how we can work together.  

Here is a great article about Greg and his work at Whispering Roots.

Back on the path to Farming!

I believed my tenure at No More Empty Pots would expire at the end of the August when the CISCO grant was completed.  I approached my boss, and our CEO, Nancy Williams, to talk about my exit strategy but she had other ideas.  Instead of taking a sabbatical to explore creating my urban farm on my own, she invited me to do just that under the umbrella of No More Empty Pots.  Nurturing my current relationships with The Nature Conservancy, Fontenelle Forest, and other agencies, No More Empty Pots will allow me to broaden my reach and see who’s interested in joining us.  

Merica Whitehall, from Fontenelle Forest had spoken to Nancy and me about the possibility of using land at the Forest for the farm pilot.  We met and viewed the land...it looks spectacular and has a great name already: Camp Brewster! Now, I’m settling into research to explore inclusive urban farms.

Camp Brewster - with the Missouri river on the top right.

Effects of invading someone else’s domain

Earlier in August, I spent a Saturday working outside in the yard and garden.  The weather was sunny and warm, since Dasher was spending the weekend with us, I had company.  I planted a new cover crop in Zamarian’s garden and then began to weed in the far corner of the yard. This is my resource spot where I keep items that could be used in the future. I have stump mulch, stones, bricks and all sorts of abandoned items.  

In the midst of weeding, I noticed was Dashing jumping around and yelping and then I started to feel the stings myself. I brushed off a few bugs from his back and we both started running for the house and I hailed Glen to help. We ran into the garage and  I felt stinging everywhere and was crazed trying to get the bugs off of me. Dash still had one on his back. Glen brushed it off and it stung him.

We were googling how to take care of bee stings and heard a buzzing sound. We cornered and killed the insect, then looked him up online and it was a yellow jacket wasp. We figured out that soap/water followed by hydrogen peroxide was the best way to treat the stings.  We took care of Dasher and then each other.

At this point, I felt the worst was over.  That afternoon, Dasher looked lethargic so I googled how to care for beagles with stings, it wasn’t really anything more than we’d already done. The next morning, each of my sting spots (7 in all) were red/inflamed, hard and itchy. It was very painful.  

I’m not mad at the yellow jackets, they were just doing what came naturally to them - protecting their home.  

I know now where my domain ends and their's starts! 

Experiencing the Pressure of Food Waste

One of the topics of our Building IoT + Food Systems program was to show learners the truth about food waste.  Not many people are aware that we throw away up to 40 % of all of the food grown in the US today.

One article states that we throw away one per person per day which totals 150,000 tons of food a day.  Rotting food clogs up landfills and releases methane, a powerful greenhouse gas.  I know this, I teach this and yet I found myself throwing away strawberries, cucumbers and an old orange today.  While tossing this into my compost pile doesn’t feel as bad as putting it in the garbage to go landfill, what about folks who don’t have compost options?  Last week, while shopping in my grocery store, I saw store employees checking dates and piling food on carts to be removed. While some may be rescued, most of it will end up in a landfill.  This saddens me, but what can be done?

My first hug and other learnings

In my last week of teaching at NorthStar, I shook each learner’s hand and asked them their names as they entered.  It was remarkable the difference it made in our class dynamics. Just meeting each person at the door, shaking their hand and looking into their eyes allowed me to connect with them.  

One of the learners would not shake my hand and tried to walk around me.  I would not allow it so Jayden finally gave in and shook my hand but wouldn’t look me in the eye. I figured that we were starting to connect.  Later in our time together, he shouted at me that I wasn’t his teacher and he didn’t have to listen to me, he didn’t have to follow my rules.

After class one day, the Director stopped by to chat. She was wondering why so many of my students are asked to leave the classroom.  It was a method I adopted after the advisors were not helping with disruptions, I asked the learners to leave until they were ready to engage.  Hana explained that their leaving the class is seen as a huge move towards being expelled from the program. I was not interested in this strong of a message.  

Hana also said that she’s had to break apart fights at high schools where the teacher is just standing by, uninterested in getting involved.  For some of these kids, NorthStar is the safest environment they experience in their entire day. Safer than home, than school, than the streets.  She encouraged me to teach to these disruptive behaviors. This is more new learning for me. I told her about Jayden expressing himself and she said he should be asked to leave but there was something I needed to know about Jayden.  He has a special qualifier because he can’t read above the 1st grade level.

So, the next day, I tried a new tact.  Bribery with fruit snacks. It worked. Jayden worked hard to get 5 fruit snacks, more than anyone in the class.  It was wonderful to watch him shine.

He hugged me before he left.

On Friday, Jayden was expelled from the program.

Today, I am finished with the program and am left feeling empty.

STEP UP helped me step out

So the first two weeks of July our team hosted the 39 STEP UP participants in our Food Hub, Garden and Admin Office.  STEP UP Omaha! provides jobs and paid internship opportunities to youth and young adults during the summer. One of our gals taught culinary arts in the kitchen, another agricultural education in the garden and me, the Internet of Things in the Admin Office.  These learners are 14-15 years old and come from all schools, mostly in North Omaha. Our Director of Operations, Susan, opened each session with a level setting time and also finished our time together every day.  Each of us had each group twice for 3 hours or so. It was a HOT week which played into the Admin Office meeting space, which usually holds 8-10 adults and we had 13 large bodies who were busy trying to make impressions in addition to engaging with me and the content I wanted to share.  The afternoons wore on and were tedious, I left each day exhausted. They sucked the life out of me, that is for sure.

The last day of our 2 weeks together, we hosted a graduation ceremony at the local Community College.  It was a sweet celebration and Susan asked each teacher to give a three minute speech to summarize the class.  I had selected 3 or so learners from each group that had been engaged and interested, and showed leadership. I’d planned to lead with the Vince Lombardi quote, “Leaders are not born, they are made.”

When my name was announced for me to speak, the kids started cheering.  Seriously, cheering and yelling out “sister”, which is what I called all the girls because I couldn’t recall each of their names.  I was overcome. Tears welled up in my eyes and I lost my direction on what I’d prepared to share. After a few moments, I did regain composure and delivered my speech on leadership.

I walked away from the experience in shock.  Days later the shock remains.

Does our woundedness help us serve?

This week, our CEO sent us this quote from a Henry Nouwen meditation:

Nobody escapes being wounded. We all are wounded people, whether physically, emotionally, mentally, or spiritually. The main question is not "How can we hide our wounds?" so we don't have to be embarrassed, but "How can we put our woundedness in the service of others?" When our wounds cease to be a source of shame, and become a source of healing, we have become wounded healers.

I wondered, how can my teaching these young adults be a way for me to put my woundedness into their service?  In relating my woundedness to theirs, I immediately thought of my embarrassing moments of learning and not knowing.  I see myself trying to figure out new technologies at Oracle. My peers and teachers were kind to me as I struggled to learn Dreamweaver, Photoshop or Oracle Tutor, but I never became proficient at it.  Every time I had to use the tools, I had to relearn them and ask for help doing so. Years later, I concluded that I wasn’t good at technologies and while this helped, I still feel that pain of being bewildered by something and never figuring it out.  

So maybe that’s where the disrespect, apathetic attitudes emanate from with these young adults? I’m just another adult in front of them, testing them to see they don’t meet the standard. If so, how do I put my woundedness into service to them? It doesn’t feel like telling them my story of not knowing, it is clear that they don’t care.  I wonder if it is in my approach to them, but it’s hard because they are so tough. They are visibly disinterested in anything I have to say. Dinner guests this past week suggested my watching Dangerous Minds, the Michelle Pfeiffer film where she taught in the inner city.  That may be a good first step. But I think there’s more to it. I think it’s more about how these wounds of mine allow me to show a different attitude towards these learners.  

2 generations later = more bleakness

In teaching another group at NorthStar, I was again surprised, overwhelmed, encouraged, exhausted and perplexed. I spoke with our Director of Operations, Susan about this and she provided perspective.  In explaining to her that I was teaching in Watts 30 (again that large number) years ago, I thought I was prepared for an urban teaching setting. Susan explained that 2 generations makes a big difference. It hit hard.  Years of struggling and never seeing results or experiencing change, hardens everything. Especially hope. Those four-year-old students, may have spent years working several jobs, watching their children get shot, dreaming about success following their passions and contemplating a way to get out...all these things but nothing about their circumstances changes.  Responsibility for this aside, hardened hearts and weak spirits result. What I experience in the classroom is just a little taste of their tough reality. These kids are used to people not showing up, not keeping their word, and having to figure out things for themselves. The support I offer isn’t trustworthy, because they haven’t been able to trust many or much at all.

2 years makes a big difference!

This week I started another program delivery of Building IoT + Local Food Systems.  These learners were rising 9th graders, the difference between them and the rising 7th graders was notable.  They were taller, they were quieter and they look more intently at me. At first, it was off putting but then, it was refreshing.

Their questions, their input and their engagement was at such a different level than the others that I found myself more excited and engaged.  Perhaps, it’s because it was my third go round for delivering the content, or else it was my dear cousin’s encouragement to pray this:

ask God to give you a love for each student, to open your eyes to their incredible value to Him....kids know when their teacher loves them....and they respond with tenderness and vulnerability that they don't risk in most places or with most of the people in their lives.